How Do Assholes Get Into Heaven?

I was invited to spend time with some pseudo-religions, and recorded a whole year in my journal attempting to understand the meaning behind some of the more bizare religious rituals. Why the heathen group,dwelling on the northeast coast, known as ‘fleepers,’ spend five days naked outdoors in a giant group hug, skin on skin, constantly swirling bodies around to share the warmth created in the centre of the huddle. Or why the occult group who are known as ‘Wanders’ look forward to a week when they  eat only the possessions of the dead, the reason for which will have you in tears.

 

This book is as yet untitled, and with the questionable antics, sometimes overtly illigal activities, that I witnessed and was a party to, still may not make it to print at all. But this being said, I reveal an extract from these memoirs below:

 

I woke early this morning, so I could get some journaling done while most of the others were still asleep.  There was no time last night, since there were so many people together hanging out and being loud. 

 

I must say that these people are quite interesting and I may actually learn something important from them over time.  They drink a lot of alcohol and they do manage to get all riled up from it as well.  This was evident last night when they started choosing people for a boxing tournament.  Since no one really knows me or my abilities, I was not chosen for the fight, but it was an experience for sure.  I can still smell the blood and sweat in the air from when the men were pounding each other as they each tried to knock their opponent out. 

 

After the fighting was done, there was some more drinking before everyone fell asleep under the stars.  As I looked at the shadows beyond the fire, I mulled over the evening’s events.  I couldn’t help but feel that someone was watching me while I was thinking and that they were planning an initiation of sorts. 

 

Now as I am writing this, I am watching the children play in the distance and thinking that they don’t look quite right.  They are all in small groups and while they must be having fun, their expressions and movements are saying otherwise.  They are ignoring the children that are not in their group and while I see their lips moving, I am unable to hear what they are saying.  I am feeling uneasy about all of this at the moment and my thoughts go back to the night before when I felt like I was being watched.

 

The smell of bacon brings me out of my brooding thoughts just now and I see that the elders are delivering breakfast sandwiches to the people who are awake.  I hear them talking about the hair of dog and I am wondering what more drinking will do to everyone today.